before you know it

it’s the most cliche cliche out there; before you know it, your kids are all grown up and the time you spent feeling smothered by them becomes a wistful memory. well, i’m not there yet, but this week i’ve seen many glimpses of a future life that does not involve offers to eat mud “chocolate” or questions like, “are you love me so much, mama?” and the thought of that sweetness going away is pretty sad, much as i look forward to what will be possible as oliver matures.

the last month has been especially challenging for me, as you may have gathered, with oliver going through a very hard time coinciding with the most intense season of my job, and damian working like crazy on his permaculture design certificate, and my dad’s alzheimer’s has suddenly required more support than previously,¬†and then i found myself in the ER with kidney stones, and and and. i have blog posts planed for everything i just mentioned, so stay tuned, desert permaculture geeks and alzheimer support people! but the point of this here post, is to record that in this moment, friends, i am not overwhelmed or exhausted. well, actually, i am overwhelmed and exhausted still, but not as much. i can see the light at the end of the exhausted and overwhelmed tunnel! it just took a few little things to add up to a much happier, centered experience. here’s what i think helped:

  1. damian finished his course. (yay!!!)
  2. two of oliver’s molars broke through, this may be the main cause that he was suddenly able to contentedly entertain himself for stretches of 20 minutes or more (hallelujah!), this improved mood also means that i have less fear for my physical safety. the random throwing of wooden toys and head butting has decreased significantly.
  3. the last session of not back to school camp (that’s my job) started, which means that the mad rush to get all my campers forms and waivers and payments and health insurance card photocopies and travel plans is done for the year.
  4. my brother-in-law, nathen, decided a two-year-old would make a good assistant for a small construction project and took oliver several times this week for an hour or so each time. nathen, i am so grateful, and also extremely impressed that you drilled, sawed, and hammered with my toddler at your side. i used the time to sleep, cuddle with my man, clean the floor, or stare at the wall. it was amazing.
  5. i stopped pissing blood. take a moment right now to notice how well your own kidney’s are functioning, and give thanks.

since oliver has been feeling better (or maybe it’s since i’ve been feeling better) i’ve been so amazed at the developmental leaps he’s making. for instance, he’s discovered imaginative play. it’s so sweet to listen to him chatter to himself acting out little scenes. he’ll pretend to eat a watermelon, and then pat his belly and say, “i’m full now.” maybe that’s not very impressive to you, because that’s what kids do, but i’m just so honored to be here to watch that emerge from him, when it wasn’t there before. he’s also singing more, and his little voice is just way, way too cute. now i’m gushing. i’ll stop. you can tell by the pictures. check out my new instagram sidebar–>